I got really drunk this weekend while traveling for a football game. I like to go across the country for a couple games each year. This time, I ended up in Minnesota for the Vikings and Packers game at the new stadium. It was an unbelievable experience. I got a little too drunk and mentioned to a buddy that I wanted to try out Backpage dating. He advised that I don’t do it but I did it anyway.

My weekend was going awesome until I started using Backpage to try and find someone to fuck. Turns out, it was almost one of the worst dating decisions I’ve ever made in my entire life. I could have just logged onto my trusty Uberhorny dating site and gotten laid in a jiffy. But because I wanted to make things difficult for me (which I do when I’m drunk) then I decided to try and hire a backpage girl. Find out everything that happened last night during this fiasco.

Important Stuff I Learned Attempting To Hire A Backpage Dating Girl In Minnesota

The first thing I’m going to tell you is that I learned to never ever try and do this again. It was a horrible experience and I’m only telling you so the same thing doesn’t happen to you. I was in my hotel after the game and was celebrating the victory after beating the Greenbay Packers 17-14. It was an incredible game. I busted out my computer and started searching for girls online. Like I said, my typical move would’ve been to meet a local normal girl online to hook up with but I was far too drunk to fuck let alone buy her a drink.

I called a girl on Backpage.com in the escorts section and agreed to pay her a specific amount of money. Low and behold, I ended up having to negotiate with her when she got to my room over the price. She claimed that was her fee to show up, not for anything else. I was floored when she said that!

I immediately got into an argument with her over that and even through in a few jabs over the fact that she didn’t look like the girl on the ad. She was bigger and had different color hair than the girl in the online ad. That’s just the beginning of it all though. It gets much worse.

So, I was so fucking drunk that I didn’t even realize she had some big pimp that she brought with her waiting outside the door. Not knowing that he was out there, I begin arguing with her about the price and he banged on the door hard as can be. The guy had said he was an undercover police officer and that I was going to jail if I didn’t open the door. No sooner did I have that door open and I found myself up against the wall being held down by some pimp boss.

The ugly backpage girl demanded that I pay her more than we agreed upon and she even robbed me of my credit card in my wallet. The pimp and the crackhead looking girl stormed off with my cash and one of my credit cards. I wasn’t going to fight over that when I could just cancel it.

I felt exactly how Adrian Peterson felt being carried off the field last night. It was a what the fuck moment that made me realize how important it is to just use safe and secure online dating sites. Yes, I’ll attend another NFL football game, but I will not hire a backpage girl ever again in my entire life!